Unapologetically
Christian, Unapologetically Lesbian
Christian. Lesbian.
It’s not a contradiction. Neither are you.
When I wrote that phrase some time ago and as I write
this post today I’m thinking of you who believe
there’s no such thing as a “Christian lesbian.”
You consider the term to be a contradiction of terms but
more than that, you regard it an offense to the Gospel.
You believe if someone identifies as a Christian they
would seek repentance from homosexuality and would do
all they could to change and short of change they would
at least commit to not “practicing” homosexuality.
 I
also have those of you in mind who, even while doubting
such a thing as a “Christian lesbian” exists
have haltingly admitted to yourself that while you love
Christ and are committed to the Christian life, your desire
for an intimate and loving relationship is with another
woman. Because of this apparent conflict you feel as though
there’s a choice you’ll have to eventually
make, to either walk away from your faith in God or deny,
reject, or attempt to change your attraction to other
women.
Whether paragraph one or paragraph two best describes
where you stand, I’m writing as someone who knows
your position because at one time I was you. For much
of my life I believed homosexuality was a sin that led
good people astray from a true faith in God. I watched
Christian talk shows and gave thanks for the those who
shared stories of deliverance from the “homosexual
lifestyle.” I didn’t hesitate to share my
beliefs with college friends who opened up with me about
their own struggles with sexuality because I loved them
and didn’t want to see them go down a road that
would take them so far from where I believed God desired
for them to be.
A few years later I was the one engaged in an internal
conflict like I’d never known before and that I
could never have imagined. My faith in Christ meant everything
to me and my greatest longing was to live in a way that
brought honor to God but suddenly I recognized my lifelong
unnamed feelings as being the very thing that would bring
the most disappointment to the heart of God. My fear and
shame were so great I told no one and spent my evening
hours crying out to God in prayers full of promise. I
will change. I will do whatever it takes. I will never
do anything to disgrace you. I will die before I do. And
prayers of pleading. Please forgive me for whatever I
did to make this happen. Change me. Help me. Don’t
leave me. Please don’t hate me. In that moment I
looked down the path of my future and saw nothing good.
I really have been there. I really have said and done
and felt that but no longer does paragraph one or paragraph
two represent who I am or what I believe. I stand in another
place about both pieces of my life, as one who is a Christian
and a lesbian.
1. I am a Christian.
There was a time in my life when I made the intentional
decision to say yes to a relationship with God through
Christ by recognizing that it was through Jesus’
life, death and resurrection that God’s saving presence
entered into the world. I was a child when I first said
yes and even though on my best day I live out my yes imperfectly
I choose again and again to say yes each day of my life.
Yes, I love God above all else. Yes, I will follow after
God’s will. Yes, I will seek to love others as Christ
loved. Yes, I will be the grace of God in the world.
 I’m
not a Christian out of my own righteousness but by the
righteousness of God and the completed work of Christ
given freely to all. (John 11:25, John 5:24, John 20:31,
Romans 1:16, Ephesians 2:8,9 and Colossians 1:21-23).
Salvation hinges on nothing else; not adherence to church
tradition or believing in doctrines or creeds. The assurance
of my faith is grounded in Christ and Christ alone and
to add conditions or requirements onto that reality is
to imply that the death and resurrection of Jesus was
insufficient, that Jesus was wrong when he said from the
cross “It is finished.” While a church might
say “Believe as we believe and do as we do and you
may join us here” Jesus welcomes all based on nothing
other than the love and grace of God.
2. I am a lesbian.
While I remember the very place and time when at the
age of five I became a Christian, there was never a single
moment when I made a conscious choice to be a lesbian
and I always take it with a mix of mild amusement and
irritation that some people will argue it was a choice.
It’s amazing and yes, exasperating at times, that
people who don’t know me or other GLBTQ people personally
would be so presumptuous as to assume they know the reality
of our lives more than we do.
My Beloved and I have been together for nearly nine years.
We were married in a church filled with friends and in
the presence of God. There’s nothing about our life
together that would look strange or odd were the one I
love a man and our relationship heterosexual. I cook breakfast.
She makes the bed. We shower, dress and go to work. During
the day we call each other to express our love or to remind
the other to pick up more milk on the way home. After
the dinner dishes are put away, we watch television or
play with the kittens or putter around the house until
bedtime when we fall asleep beside the other. There’s
nothing bizarre about our life. Nothing unusual. While
some would even consider our lives boring I treasure each
day as an amazing and joyful blessing.
And yet, there’s something very different about
being a lesbian in this world. Being lesbian means knowing
that in certain parts of the world you can’t hold
your partner’s hand in public as straight couples
do without risking being ridiculed, physically assaulted,
or imprisoned. Being lesbian means picking up the paper
every morning or watching the news every night to hear
about some new legislation that’s being debated
that if passed would negatively impact your life. Being
lesbian means listening to false stereotypes being painted
about you and the people you love every Sunday morning
by television evangelists, all in the name of God. Being
lesbian means trying to explain the nonexistence of the
homosexual lifestyle and the gay agenda to strangers.
But being lesbian means even more. Being lesbian means
celebrating the joy of being a woman. Being lesbian means
giving full expression to the depth of the love within
you. Being lesbian means living confidently with God’s
approval rather than with the approval of others. Being
a lesbian means standing in solidarity with others who
stand on the outside whether they be the poor, the sick,
the elderly, or any among God’s creation deemed
not acceptable by the majority. Being lesbian means finding
your courage and living boldly. Being lesbian means experiencing
another woman’s courage when she takes your hand
in a roomful of strangers or shows her wedding ring proudly
without embarrassment or thought to what others will think.
I am a Christian. That’s my faith. I am a lesbian.
That’s my sexual orientation. I make no apology
for being either and if after all is said and done I remain
a contradiction to some folks then that’s the way
it will be. I can’t prevent someone from rejecting
the presence of God in my life, or calling the love between
my partner and I perverted, or even denying the sufficiency
of salvation through faith by requiring I be heterosexual
to receive it. In the same way no one has the power to
remove the confidence I have in God, or diminish the quality
of love I’ve been graced to share with my Beloved,
or say or do anything that will separate me from the love
of God I have in Christ Jesus.
I love being a Christian and I love being a lesbian because
for me it’s about living a life of wholeness and
gratitude for all that God has done through Christ and
for all that God is doing in me.
You can connect with Anita by visiting
her website http://sisterfriends-together.org/
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