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Tracey was shaking with anger, a gospel track crumpled
up in her clenched fist. "I HATE Christians so much!"
she announced as our little group continued on the short
trip to the diner from the university, quickly leaving
the sidewalk evangelist behind. The force of her announcement
took me by surprise. I had only been part of the storytelling
group at the university for a couple weeks, but Tracey
had always seemed so soft spoken and easy going.
As we sat in the diner in the early hours of the morning,
eating the traditional all day breakfast and sipping on
milkshakes, watching college students spill out of the
pubs as last call came and went, the group conversation
stayed on Christianity. As the conversation unfolded I
began to see Christians through different eyes. The majority
of my friends in the group that night, including Tracey,
identified as gay, lesbian or bisexual. As they went around
the table sharing stories of their interactions with Christians,
I became increasingly saddened and frustrated, aware that
almost universally they had experienced Christians as
judgmental, hurtful, mean spirited, and in some cases
even violent.
I had joined the group out of a desire to build relationships
with unbelievers in my community, hoping to have a chance
to share my faith. But now, looking around the table,
I wondered what I could say to them that wouldn't result
in responses of fear, anger and rejection, and began to
wonder what I had gotten myself into.
Over the next year and a half that I was part of the
club, I learned a lot.It turned out that most of my gay
friends were not hostile to Jesus or the gospel. In fact,
they were eager to discuss matters of faith. But there
were a couple key things that they wanted me, or any Christian
to know before they would consider what we had to say
about faith.
1. "Please get to know me!"
The most common complaint I heard from my gay friends
was that Christians didn't bother to get to know them
before telling them what to do. Many Christians had built
assumptions about what they must be like, without bothering
to see if it was true or not. One told me of being frustrated
with Christians railing against homosexuality because
of "promiscuous lifestyles" but the ironic thing
was the individual was still a virgin. Others told of
Christian friends and family members assuming their feelings
must be because of sexual abuse, or "just not having
met the right guy/girl yet". All responses were tied
to Christians not taking time to listen to the person's
story, to understand them in the context of their lives,
and left the individual feeling unimportant and unloved.
2. Coercion is not okay. Many of my
friends told stories of loved ones threatening them in
order to motivate them to stop being gay. Some had been
thrown out of their home, others had been told that if
they didn't change they would receive no more assistance
with university tuition. In every case these ultimatums
hardened the person's heart against Christianity, forced
them to lie, and never brought about the desired change.
One friend pointed out how Christian failed the golden
rule in this. "How would they feel if their parents
forced them to choose between college and their faith?!"
3. "Tell me about Jesus!"
For those who had not grown up in Christian homes, telling
them what the Bible said had no more persuasive force
than someone else trying to influence me by quoting the
Quran, or the code of Hannurabi. What my friends were
interested in was Jesus. It was only as they got to know
Jesus, and saw him reflected in my own life did they begin
to care what Scripture said about sexuality.
4. "If you really love me, then care for
me!" Most of my friends had heard the phrase
"love the sinner, hate the sin" a thousand times,
but were hard pressed to come up with concrete examples
of how a Christian had ever loved them. Most had found
that Christians were afraid to help them or treat them
kindly for fear of being perceived as "condoning
their lifestyle". What finally broke down the barriers
between us was my willingness to serve them where they
were at. In my case it meant giving them rides when they
needed it (whether moving them out of an abusive partners
apartment, getting them home safe after a night of drinking,
or a simple lift home after an event).
After a year and a half of building relationships within
that group, I had decided to move to another city. This
meant leaving both my church and my friends in the storytelling
club behind. In my time there I had been privileged to
have a number of great conversations about faith with
my friends, and had led a few of them to the Lord. On
one of my last Sundays as youth pastor, I was asked to
speak in the service. As I got up to speak, I found to
my surprise and joy one pew filled with my friends from
the Storytelling club. Afterward Tracey came up to me
and shook my hand.
"I never thought I would ever set foot in a church
again!" she said. "I don't think I'll be becoming
a Christian any time soon.but you have given me a lot
to think about. I still have a lot of issues about God,
but you have been really awesome to me. I think that maybe
if God is like you.maybe he is okay."
I smiled and hugged her, and tried to explain that it
wasn't that God was like me..it was that I was trying
to be like Him. But I think it was the greatest compliment
that anyone has ever given me.
Written By Brian Pengelly - View
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